People who should (at least) be locked up for December: John Boehner

I forgot to do this for November, so this better be EXTRA good.

Though, it probably won't be.  I come from humble background, after all, so the chances of me actually advancing to any position of importance is extremely low.

Of course, there's Larry Ellison, sixth richest person in the world who was born to an unwed couple who passed him off to family because they couldn't take care of him.

Or Sidney Weinberg, who started as a janitor's assistant and rose to become the CEO of Goldman-Sachs, where he revolutionized the company.

Now rather than take this to mean that any shmuck who wants to be successful just has to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, I'd like to take it to mean that every person has the potential to be the next CEO.  The next Einstein.  The doctor to cure AIDS, cancer.  The artist that inspires a generation.  All they need is education.

And what would be great is if the people coming from this kind of background appreciated that fact too.  Instead.  We get this guy:





 
  I can't help but cry thinking about how much money I can make.

John Boehner, Republican from this place, who rose from being one of twelve children and a janitor and having only one leg and half a brain to become Speaker of the House.  What a triumph.

People, and by people I mean the media, can't stop talking about the fact that he was a janitor.  Like the fact that he cleaned up shit for a few years makes him really in touch with the American people.

But honestly, I don't care how clean he's going to keep his desk.  I care how clean his record as a politician is.  And when it comes to dirty, this guy's been rolling in it.

In 2006, he went around handing out checks from tobacco companies to his buddies. 

Earlier this year, he complained to Jaime Dimon, CEO of JP Morgan, that he wasn't donating enough to the GOP.  And even after they had protected their interests for so long!  And he doesn't just talk shop with JP, no, no, some of his closest friends are lobbyists.  They even make excellent policy directors.

Don't worry, though, because of his humble background, he knows that friendships go both ways, unlike how he believes marriage should.  For his healthcare buddies, he opposed reform and vows to repeal it.  For the bankers, he urges them to stand up to Congress, they've been pushing those poor rich folks around too long! Not to mention he hands a nice little spot off to one of their lobbyists, as if it weren't clear enough he's ready to make the taxpayers bend over as far as they need to.

Speaker Boehner.  The fact that your parents couldn't work a condom doesn't impress me.  And the fact that you come from a poor background does the opposite.  You are crippling families exactly like the one you came from.  And you should be ashamed.

So.  For December.  Mr. John Boehner, I am of the opinion that you should, at the very least, be thrown in jail.