A half-baked story

Where does my mind come up with this shit.

I present, the Mad Baker of Calgary:

"I’m not much on story-telling but I wasn’t about to let some panty-waist creampuff writer turn mine into some heartfelt loaf of crap.  I am Pillsbry, the Mad Baker of Calgary.  I single-handedly took down an army of Debrite soldiers with a combination of hard-crusted determination, yeasty physical strength and salt to taste.  I’ll spare you the floury prose.  I’m a hero to artisans of baked goods the world over."