ALSO: NaPoWriMo DAY 1

Since, honestly, I don't have enough going on in my life, what with the Beltway Grand Slam coming up, the month-and-a-half West Coast trip, the move to Baltimore and the starting of my intensive MPH program...

Scratch that.  Since, honestly, I hate myself, I've decided to take up the challenge of NaPoWriMo.  National Poem Writing Month.  Where I have to write a poem a day for all of April or consider myself a failure forever.  I'm doing it with the rest of the DC peeps, so anyone interested should definitely sign up here.

But anyway, this is day one.  I'm probably not going to post everything I write, but for now I'm excited about it (and actually getting it done) so enjoy:

(The italics are sung to the tune of "God Bless America".  That's right.)

While stormclouds gather across the sea

Stormclouds!

Like the specter of revolution

Spreading from Egypt

Like the plague of locusts

Stormclouds!

Like socialized medicine

Spreading from…

Well…

Every first world economy.

And most second world ones.

But there’s nothing more American

Than dying from easily curable diseases.

Let us swear allegiance to a land that’s free!

Free like your choice between paper or plastic

Like you can have your toilet paper quilted

Like you can have your Oreos in 100-calorie-doses!

Free like expressing yourself

Within the negotiated boundaries of your permit

And not too loud,

People are sleeping.

Let us all be grateful for a land so fair!

Fair like giving personhood to corporations

And taking it away from Mexicans!

Fair like the beaches of the Gulf…

Um..

Fair like skyscrapers!

Like super-highways!

Like mega-malls!

Fair like thick gray fogs

Because honestly you can see blue skies anywhere!

As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer.

CHRISTIAN prayer.

George WASHINGTON founded our country.

Not George HUSSEIN.

Or George Feldman.

God Bless America

Land that I love

Like a woman.

But not sexually.

Not until marriage.

Stand beside her, and guide her

Through the night with a light from above.

The light of Democracy

We shine like beacons

Like…

Like the end of assault rifles

Like the burning tails of ICBMs

We deliver barrages of freedom

Rain liberty like hellfire

Roll tank-tread jack-boots

Over countries with strange names

And we never are to blame

And we never are ashamed

We are stars and stripes and flame

From the mountains,

Especially ones with coal

To the prairies

Except during the dust bowl.

To the oceans, white with foam

And factory run-off!

God Bless Americaaa

And FUCK everyone else!