Things Republicans can never talk about ever again

UPDATE:
I forgot healthcare.  Recently the GOP voted to keep their own personal health insurance a secret.  But, they're still pretty keen on taking healthcare away from everyone else.  There should be a word for this.  Hyperhypocrisy.  High Hypocrisy.  Dickheadedness.


So I haven't babbled about something political in a while, I think it's time we changed that.

There's been a number of incidents lately that have proved that the Republicans have adopted a stable political platform based on complete hypocrisy.  Rather than adopt a stance on issues and then fight to maintain their position, they've decided it's easier to adopt the stance then do whatever the fuck they want.

This is a problem.  My solution is that we pass laws banning Republicans from ever talking about these issues.  Punishable, of course, by prison terms.  Or firing squads.  Like the Democrats, I'm willing to compromise.  So here's some of the issues Republicans are now barred from talking about.

1.  9/11
Jon Stewart did this pretty well.  Briefly, what happened here was that the Senate Republicans blocked the Zadroga Bill, which provided funds supporting the healthcare of 9/11 first responders.  This was done mainly as a blockade against doing anything useful until they got what they wanted.  In other words, this:

Now, some people might doubt the logic behind taking an indefensible position against an extremely appealing piece of legislation.  Well, then you're probably not a Republican.  Republicans defend their logic like this.  That's Dr. Tom Coburn.  Yep.  He's a doctor against an incredibly popular piece of healthcare legislation.  I hope he's got good savings, because he's gonna need a new career! Wait, I got one!

2. Veterans
This might be hard to do, seeing as 75% of what Republicans talk about has to do in some way to shooting at things, but Republicans have proven that they don't really give a damn about veterans.  It's been a long-time issue that scam-artists and loan companies (aka, legitimized scam-artists) have been preying on veterans and their families.  What's interesting is that a certain Senator Sam Brownback and his Republican ilk have argued to allow these loan companies to continue.

Completely unrelated, I'm sure, but Brownback's top contributor is the National Auto Dealers Association. 

Not to mention the Republicans particularly don't like veterans who are homeless.  They blocked a measure to provide additional benefits for this population, estimated to be around 107,000 strong.

Fun fact: This measure was blocked on behalf of Dr. Coburn by Senator Mitch McConnell.  I've adjusted my picture:

3. Elitism\Racism
 Now, you'd think that any group full of old white men with southern accents would tread carefully when talking about privilege or racism.  But you'd also think a major political party would have some coherent political positions.  The Republicans buck both these logical trends, along with a number of others, when they accuse their opposition of being elitist or racist.

With the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court, I was assuming that they'd avoid mentioning her race in the interest of not looking like a bunch of white aristocrats beating on a minority.  Surprise.

Obama has had the rare opportunity of being called both an elitist and a racist.  And a socialist (not gonna even put a link on that one, it's like the top Google search).  The elitist comment comes from Rand Paul, who celebrated his win this past election in an exclusive country club with a history of excluding people based on melanin.  The Racist comment comes from Newt Gingrich, who also expressed concern that bilingualism will bring about the end of our nation.  And who is now learning spanish.  So:

In conclusion, Republicans are bad.